My  Partner  Wants  to  Explore  a  Dominance  Fantasy — What Should I Do?

Abbie

I’ve recently started seeing someone new, and things are going really well. He’s kind, attentive, and we have great chemistry.

But recently he told me he has a fantasy about me dressing as a dominatrix and using a whip on him. He said it very openly and respectfully, and he made it clear there’s no pressure — but I was still surprised.

I don’t know if this is something I’m comfortable with yet. Part of me is curious, part of me feels unsure, and part of me worries about what it means.

Is this normal? And how do I even start to think about something like this without feeling out of my depth?

Short answer: yes — fantasies about power and control are far more common than most people realise.

And just as importantly: you are never expected to be comfortable with something immediately simply because a partner shares it.

The fact that he told you openly is actually encouraging. It suggests trust, not pressure.
What matters now isn’t the fantasy itself — it’s the honesty that allowed him to bring it to you.

Why Some People Are Drawn to Power Fantasies

When a fantasy surprises you, curiosity and caution often arrive in the same breath.

For many people, dominance and submission aren’t about pain or performance — they’re about:

• trust
• the release of control
• being seen and desired
• emotional safety within clear boundaries

For some, surrender is calming rather than frightening.
It provides a structure where desire feels contained and understood.

That doesn’t mean you have to participate.
But it does mean you’re not alone in hearing something like this.

You Don’t Have to Decide Immediately

It’s completely valid to say:

“I need time to think.”
“I’m curious but nervous.”
“I might want to explore this slowly.”
“I’m not sure this is for me.”

Healthy partners understand that exploration happens at the pace of the person who is least comfortable.
Not fastest.
Not most curious.
Safest.

If You’re Curious (But Nervous)

Safe words aren’t theatrical — they’re practical; they keep trust steady while you learn.

Start with conversation, not action. You could ask:

• What about this appeals to you?
• Is it power, trust, or sensation?
• What would make you feel safe?
• What would make me feel safe?

Often, once people talk honestly, the fantasy becomes less intimidating and more understandable.

Getting comfortable with language together is the first act of intimacy — not the costume.

If you ever decide to explore any kind of power exchange:

• ✔ You set boundaries.
• ✔ You can pause or stop at any time.
• ✔ You don’t need to perform.
• ✔ Curiosity is enough; confidence comes later.

Real dominance is never forced.
It’s designed, agreed, and controlled by both people.

Abbie’s Verdict

A partner sharing a fantasy isn’t a problem — it’s information.

Ask yourself:

• Do I feel respected?
• Do I feel safe to say no?
• Do I feel safe to say maybe?

If yes, you’re starting from a healthy place.

You never have to become someone you’re not.
But you are allowed to explore parts of yourself you haven’t met yet — if you choose to.

Beyond Fantasy — The Confidence Connection

Power in relationships and power in style often begin with the same feeling — ownership of self.

Confidence and structure in lingerie don’t have to mean performance; for many women, it means intentionality, composure, and control.

Explore pieces that feel more “decide how you want to feel” than “dress for someone else” in our Power / Dominance Edit — created around confidence, comfort, and consent.