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Written by: Abbie Quinn
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Time to read 3 min
I love dressing up in sexy lingerie for my partner in the bedroom, and I really enjoy the confidence and closeness it brings.
Lately, I’ve found myself wishing he’d make the same effort for me — not just as an admirer, but by dressing up too.
How do I bring this up without making him uncomfortable or putting pressure on him?
This is one of those questions people sit with for a long time before they say it out loud.
You’re not asking for something unreasonable. You’re noticing that intimacy feels best when it’s mutual — when effort, vulnerability, and desire move both ways.
That matters.
When you wear lingerie for your partner, you’re not just putting something on. You’re creating anticipation. You’re offering yourself with intention. Wanting that energy returned isn’t about performance — it’s about reciprocity.
Many women tell me the same thing:
They don’t want him to suddenly become someone else. They don’t want shock value. They just want to feel chosen in the same way.
That desire usually shows up quietly, and then gets ignored because it feels awkward to voice.
It doesn’t need to be.
Most men don’t resist this idea because they aren’t interested.
They hesitate because:
They’re worried about looking silly
They don’t know what “sexy” means for them
They assume lingerie is something women do, not men
They’re afraid of getting it wrong
Silence here usually means uncertainty, not refusal.
This works best when it’s an invitation, not a demand.
A few things that help:
Choose the moment carefully
Pick a calm, connected moment — not during an argument or as a joke.
Make it about you, not his effort
Try something like:
“I love dressing up for you. It makes me feel close to you. I realised I’d love to see you do something similar for me one day.”
Reassure him early
Be clear this isn’t criticism. It’s curiosity.
Give him time
This might be new territory. Confidence doesn’t always arrive instantly.
They jump straight to extremes.
Thongs. Fetish styles. Things that feel more like costumes than clothing.
That’s where people freeze.
If this is new, the goal isn’t shock. It’s comfort, fit, and a sense of I could actually wear this.
For first steps, I always suggest pieces that feel:
Familiar in shape
Comfortable on the body
Flattering rather than exposing
Easy to imagine wearing
Well-cut briefs, subtle sheer details, supportive fits — things that feel sexy because they feel good, not because they’re extreme.
Confidence grows from there.
When men do try this — even tentatively — something shifts.
They stand differently.
They engage differently with touch.
They become more present.
And women notice.
Not because it’s perfect.
But because it’s effort.
That’s usually when people realise this was never about underwear. It was about being met halfway.
If this idea excites you and makes you nervous at the same time, that’s normal.
You don’t have to rush. You don’t have to label anything. You don’t have to get it right first time.
Start with something that feels safe. Talk about it afterwards. Let curiosity lead, not pressure.
If you’re not sure where to begin, I’ve put together a small edit of men’s lingerie that works well for first conversations — styles that feel sexy without feeling like a costume.
Nothing extreme. Nothing performative. Just pieces that are easy to say yes to.
Abbie is the agony aunt for those trying to navigate the lingerie world. As an online lingerie owner, I help my customers with everything – from relationship problems to finding the sexy nightwear that will excite your partner to tips and tricks on making lingerie more comfortable.
Do you have a question for Abbie?
To answer the questions you might be too shy to ask your friends. Abbie is your lingerie fairy godmother.
Email abbie@quinnbeauty.co.uk
Comments
I wear with my partner and it’s so erotic and we are both turned on by it. I have had a thing for the feeling and look in stockings and sexy underwear from a young age.
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