My husband wants wearing stockings every time in the bedroom

This is no longer about stockings.

It’s about what happens when a preference quietly turns into a rule.

When something becomes “expected every time,” it stops being playful or intimate and starts to feel like a performance. Anyone would feel worn down by that. Your discomfort isn’t oversensitivity — it’s a reasonable response to pressure.

Here’s the key thing to name, even if only to yourself first:

Desire and obligation cannot coexist for long.

Something you choose once or twice can feel very different when it becomes assumed.

You are allowed to say no to expectations that were never agreed on. And you don’t need to justify it with a long explanation or a dramatic confrontation.

What helps is to address the pattern, not the item.

Instead of arguing about stockings, talk about how it feels to be expected to present yourself a certain way every time. Pick a calm moment outside the bedroom if you can.

Language that often works better sounds like this:

• “This started as something optional, and now it feels expected. That’s what’s bothering me.”

• “When you comment if I don’t wear them, it makes me feel pressured instead of close to you.”

• “I need this to be a choice, not a requirement.”

You’re not asking for permission. You’re setting a boundary.

If he responds defensively, stay with the feeling rather than the detail. You don’t need to debate whether stockings are a big deal. What matters is that being expected to perform in a specific way is draining you.

And it’s okay to be clear:

• You may wear them sometimes.

• You may not wear them other times.

• You do not want commentary or disappointment attached to your choice.

A healthy intimate dynamic includes enthusiasm, not compliance. If something only happens because it’s expected, it stops being intimacy and starts being labour.

You’re not wrong for wanting space to choose. And you’re not selfish for wanting your body and your presentation to remain your own.