Why Do I Feel Awkward Buying Lingerie? (You’re Not Alone)

Abbie

I like lingerie. I like looking at it, I like the idea of wearing it… but when I actually go to buy it, I suddenly feel awkward. Like I’m not really the kind of person who should be buying “nice lingerie”.

Is that normal?

Yes. And if I’m honest, it’s one of the most common feelings people never say out loud.

Lingerie sits closer to you than almost anything else you wear. It isn’t just something people see — it’s something you feel. The softness of fabric when you first pull it on. The way lace warms slowly against your skin. The gentle pressure of a band sitting exactly where your body curves in and out.

Sometimes you forget it’s there.
And sometimes you become very aware of it — in the best possible way.

That closeness can feel surprisingly intimate, even when nobody else is involved.

There’s a quiet moment a lot of people recognise. You’re scrolling, or browsing, or standing in a shop, and something catches your eye. You can imagine how it might feel — softer, more deliberate, a little more chosen than everyday underwear that you barely notice by lunchtime.

And then suddenly a voice appears:
Is this really me?

The truth is, most people don’t have one fixed “lingerie identity”. We shift. Sometimes slowly over years. Sometimes week to week. Sometimes depending on how settled you feel in your own skin that morning.

There were years I thought you were either someone who wore beautiful lingerie, or someone who didn’t. What I learned — mostly by wearing it in normal life, not special moments — is that it’s rarely that simple.

Some days you want structure. Something that holds you, supports you, reminds you how strong and grounded your body already is.

Some days you want softness. Lace or mesh that moves with you, that feels like it belongs there rather than sitting on top of you.

Some days you want something that feels quietly beautiful, like a private detail just for you.

And sometimes you’re simply curious what something slightly different might feel like — a new texture, a new shape, something that makes you notice your own body again in a gentle way.

None of those cancel each other out. None of them make you “that kind of woman” or “not that kind”.

If you ever find yourself staring at pages of lingerie thinking none of this feels like me, it’s often not because lingerie isn’t for you.

It’s usually because you’re being asked to choose by style, trend, or label — when most people actually choose by how they want to feel wearing it.

Sometimes that feeling is confidence.
Sometimes it’s comfort.
Sometimes it’s curiosity.
Sometimes it’s just wanting something that feels a little more intentional against your skin than everyday basics.

And if you still feel awkward? That doesn’t mean you’re doing lingerie wrong. It usually means you’re paying attention to how it feels on your body — and that’s actually a very good place to start.

You don’t have to become a different version of yourself to wear lingerie.
You just have to find the version that already feels like you, just a little closer to the surface.

If choosing by product type or “style labels” feels overwhelming, some people find it easier to start with how they want to feel wearing lingerie, and browse from there rather than forcing themselves into a category.

And if you’re not ready to buy yet, that’s completely normal too. Looking, noticing what you’re drawn to, imagining how something might feel — that’s how most people find their way into lingerie that actually feels right when it’s on their body.

There’s no rush with this. There never really was.