How do I tell my wife I cross-dress
5 min read

How do I tell my wife I cross-dress

Abbie


I have brought a few bits and pieces from your lovely lingerie site. I am a crossdresser in secrecy and only wear my briefs and holdups when my wife is out shopping, at work or with her friends. I have been thinking I should tell her - Do you have any suggestions on how?

I understand and here to help.

I can fully understand revealing your intimate secret to your wife would be a stressful moment as an understatement. 

That is why I will make my answer detailed, hopefully giving you a few tips and ideas to prepare yourself - Hard as it may be, a marriage should contain no secrets.


Let me start with the not-to-dos - In short, NO SURPRISES!

You do not want your wife to find out before you tell her - the feelings of betrayal and her not having prior knowledge about you could be catastrophic to your relationship.


  • If you have taken any selfies of yourself in the mirror on your phone - Delete them right now.
  • Do not be accidentally caught out when your wife comes home.
  • Your lingerie is securely hidden and not found, as she may assume you are having an affair

Cross-Dress Questions, Questions, Questions!

The first questions she will ask is.


  • The classic WHY.
  • How long?
  • How do you feel when cross-dressing?
  • Are you gay?
  • Where and when do you cross-dress?


Your answers to these questions and many more will want to be honest and open.


I accept being open and honest is not an easy task, but for both of you to come to terms with you liking to cross-dress, you want to be at ease with your feelings and speak from your heart. That will make it easier for your wife to understand.


Think while wearing female underwear- How do you feel? You need to be clear on your feelings if you want your wife to see your viewpoint. I understand you may not fully know yourself, but approach it from the I want to share this part of myself. Let us find the answer together!


Another thing is, do not expect your wife to be immediately understanding. If this has been going on for many years, she will want to know why now and why you kept it secret for all this time. 
At this time, you both will want to show honesty, love, time and communication skills to get through.

Your attitude

Remember, this will affect both of your lives, So please adopt an attitude of care and respect. The biggest fear is your wife will lose her husband. Knowing your wife will help you prepare for her reaction and assure her that you do not want to switch sexual preferences. You merely want to cross-dress.


Prepare yourself that she may point-blank refuse at this stage to accept and would leave the relationship than see you in female clothes.


If you think this could be the case, please seek professional advice from a therapist first. - I am not qualified.


However, there is an equal chance she may have interest and curiosity. We carry on with the assumption she is.

Man talking to woman

Take your time

Now you have done your homework then now it is time to talk. This talk must be distraction-free and have no burdens on time. Over a weekend when you are relaxed would be my suggestion. Time is the keyword here, so take as much as you need.


Broaching the subject will always be tricky, and I would put some serious thought into that. You need to sit her down and say you have something to share.


You and your wife are unique people and have your ways of expressing yourself, meaning I can not tell you exactly what to say, but I am sure you will think of something.

Your cross dress secret is out

Now you have revealed yourself, Do not go at it like a bull in a China shop. Do not rush onto my site to order the most trashy, edgy lingerie set you can find. You want your wife to accept and not be shocked! 


Stick to what you have been buying from me, the Roza briefs and the Ballerina holdups, for a little while. Perhaps consider a matching set with a Roza top.

Woman wearing a matching underwear set
Shop Matching underwear

Summary

  • Keeping secrets in a marriage is a big no, And hence your wife needs to be told.
  • If you feel your marriage will end, consult a professional counsellor who will have much better knowledge.
  • Communication is key! The issue of cross-dressing is not the only one. The threat she feels from this needs to be dealt with carefully.
  • Remember, you are a man, and that is who your wife married. Do not pressure her to see you dressed. Then take it slowly when you do.
  • Set the ground rules on when and where you will dress up, perhaps carry on when she is at work or with her friends for the time being.

Ask Abbie - Lingerie agony aunt

 

I want to thank you for sending me your question. It means a lot I got the chance to help a valued customer. I wish you all the luck in the world. I hope to see many more orders from you, meaning everything went well.

Abbie


Abbie is the agony aunt for those trying to navigate the world of lingerie. As an online lingerie owner, I help my customers with everything – from relationship problems to finding the sexy nightwear that will excite your partner to tips and tricks on making lingerie more comfortable. 


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Email abbie@quinnbeauty.co.uk