Caught My Husband Wearing Women’s Thongs

Yes, I’ve come across this before, and far more often than most people realize.

Many men enjoy wearing women’s underwear, including thongs. For some, it’s about the feel of the fabric. For others, it’s about how it connects to intimacy or vulnerability. It doesn’t automatically say anything about his character, his sexuality, or his commitment to you.

What I hear in your letter isn’t moral outrage or deep emotional resistance. What I hear is fear. Fear of being judged. Fear of what this “means.” Fear of someone else finding out.

That’s very human.

You asked whether buying him his own underwear would be encouraging him. The honest answer is yes, it would. But encouragement isn’t always a bad thing. This isn’t a new habit you’ve accidentally created. He’s been doing this quietly for years. The difference now is that it’s no longer a secret.

Secrets tend to create distance. Openness, even when uncomfortable, often does the opposite.

From a practical standpoint, having his own underwear is also the healthier option. Boundaries like that are reasonable and fair.

As for the bigger picture: there’s no crime here. There’s no betrayal. There’s no moral failing. This is a private preference between two consenting adults, and it has already led to renewed intimacy between you.

You don’t have to love this part of him overnight. Acceptance can be gradual. But if something brings you closer, improves your sex life, and doesn’t harm either of you, it may be worth letting go of the idea that it needs to be “fixed.”

Sometimes the strongest marriages aren’t the ones without surprises. They’re the ones that learn how to make room for them.

— Abbie